Tuesday, 4 October 2016

New Mummy Advice

This is going to be a very personal blog from me. Over the years I have seen lots of 'parenting advice for first-time mothers articles, blogs, posts, tweets etc. As a new mother you can be bombarded with information from any subject around your new baby. Everyone and their keyboard thinks they know the perfect piece of information, you need to know. Its such a confusing (sleep deprived) time anyway and I have been shocked at some of the statements I have seen in print.

So I though I may as well add my 2p's worth into the mix!

First, this whole 'sleep when the baby sleeps' well if your like me, your most likely staring at your beautiful baby, or doing all the things you couldn't do when they where awake. You know what, the washing can wait and so can the house! They wont ever be this small again, and time runs away really quickly. My advice to help get things done, a sling, I used a stretchy, after advice from a lovely friend and it made my life with my second so much better. (I could run after the toddler, sew, cook, clean, you name it! All while he slept on me.) They are brilliant for bonding, great if like me you have babies who have colic.

Please get good advice about slings, try not to use a facing out one, and look into woven wraps. They are amazing, easy to use once you get the hang of it, and a little addictive! My main carrier is a 'Full Buckle' its so quick and easy to use on the school run. Our youngest has hypermobilty, so if she is finding it hard to keep walking I can pop her up in moments!

Take lots of photos, its may sound silly but you can never take to many photos!

My mother gave me a brilliant bit of advice and its very true. 'Go everywhere before their walking!' Yes, do, before they can walk and most impotently open doors!! Go on holiday, go see friends, your beautiful sleeping bundle of joy, will be running around the coffee shop before you have had time to blink!

'Breastfeeding' There has been so much in the news, about if you should, if you cant, why you should, why you shouldn't etc. All I know is that I was open to it and hoping to do it with my first and that I knew it was the best for baby. Now having breastfeed three babies, I feel really strongly about it. I really struggled with my first, I didn't know about the milk coming in on day three, and gave him a bottle. I couldn't bare to see my baby so upset. But on my second baby, I had such a great online support group who told me all about it - 'Feed, feed, feed' and I did. (Day 3 is the hardest, its when your milk is coming in. Think of it like they are placing their orders for how many feeds/milk they want. So if you can, just stay in bed with baby on day 3. Having skin to skin and your boobie right there for them. Then come day 4, milk is in and baby is happy!) My advice is try, it really helped my baby and I to bond after a very scary birth. Its so wrong that in the UK mothers can not just feed their baby anywhere without having others pass comment or stare. You feed your baby where you like! A tip, stores such as Ikea and Boots have lovely baby rooms, which if you are new to popping boobs out. I hope more places catch on and support bf mummies. If you are struggling, ask for help. Its worth it, the rewards for you and baby are really high and lets face it - Its free!

A few years ago I spoke on Channel 5's, The Wright Stuff. About a hugely personal thing. Am so glad I did talk openly about it, as I received lots of lovely messages in support. Letting me know how much it helped how many other mothers where feeling. That's why am going to talk about it now.

'Baby Blues' A lovely friend messaged me when I was pregnant about baby blues, this was her advice. 'Most women get it but if you feel down for more than a few days, ask for help, go see a GP or talk to me.' This was great advice, but my PND happened differently, I think it affects people in different ways. If you know me, you know am outgoing, confident, strong in my beliefs, person. PND took my feet from under me. It court me out and I didn't know there was anything wrong till I was picking my self up from it. My family didn't spot it, my husband didn't see it. For me it was bonding, you hear of this huge over whelming love, that takes over you when you see your baby. I had a c-sec, couldn't hold my baby, not for ages, and found it hard to get him breastfeeding. When its your first baby, you have nothing in your life before to compare it too, so how would I have known that there was something wrong? It was only when that bond started to really build that I saw it and understood how far removed from my baby I had been, and how low I had been feeling. Having a baby will totally change everything but I can tell that it was the best thing I have ever done. Being a mummy is the best thing to have ever happened to me and each day I build on that bond with my oldest with every hug and kiss, and every time he says mummy. My advice, skin2skin, breastfeeding (if you cant don't worry, make sure you still do skin2skin) DONT be to hard on your self, you just had a baby, this is huge, my body felt like it had been through a car crash, I was crying at adverts, had no sleep (lack of sleep is used to torture people) you are a superhero in my book. Go to your local surestart center, I meet my best friend at one. They have wonderful groups, and its just a great, safe place you can get advice, get help or just enjoy singing some songs and play with other mummies.

It may have left its imprint on me, but am happy and I've come out the other side now. Your not alone. If you feel down talk to someone, get help, you will get through it.

Its overwhelming how much advice there is out there for parents, am so lucky to have found a amazing group of girls online. I found this facebook group though the Baby Center. These girls have been my rock. Have a look for your due month on Baby Center, its really good to hear from people who are going through the same things as you at the same time. Such a huge support.

Don't be worried about asking for advice and keep the saying 'smile and wave' in your mind when your given some unwelcomed advice. People mostly give it out of love and remember its your baby. My last bit of 'advice' time fly's when your having fun, its not all about routine and deadlines, more about adventurers, hugs and singing. I get through most late nights with a few lines of a nursery rhymes and a cuddle.


Oh and p.s! Cloth bumming! Try it, it can be hard to get the right one for your baby, but when you get it right its amazing. Fun, saves you money and great for baby's skin! ;) 

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